Guess who wasted most of their morning trying to get Time Machine to backup their Mac. Still, with this blogging lark it’s never really time wasted — I can always make a post out of the experience. So here goes. For the benefit of Google, the error message in the screen grab above reads:

A volume you are backing up is case-sensitive, but the backup volume is not.

To select a different backup volume, or to choose not to back up the case-sensitive volume, open System Preferences and choose Time Machine.

This happened when I plugged in an external FireWire drive which had worked just fine the last time I’d backed up, about a week ago. (Yeah, I know, bad me.) In the intervening days I hadn’t installed any new software, let alone changed the format of my single main drive. Sure enough, a quick check showed that both main and backup drive were standard ‘Mac OS Extended (Journaled)’ volumes. And Mac OS Extended — aka HFS+ — is not case-sensitive by default. Restarting the Mac didn’t help. I fired up Disk Utility and verified both drives, but that yielded no errors, either. Curious.

It was while glaring at my MacBook Pro’s screen that I notices listed in Disk Utility’s side bar the disk image I’ve used in the past when playing around with the DarwinBuild environment. (Believe me, if you don’t know what that is you really don’t want to know.) Now that was a case-sensitive UFS volume. But it wasn’t mounted: it didn’t show up in the Finder, nor under /Volumes in the Terminal. On a whim, and for want of something better to do, I removed it anyway and restarted. Time Machine ran without complaint. So there’s your solution: check to see if Disk Utility is remembering any disk images it shouldn’t be.

We’ve been getting a few — by which I mean no — e-mails from readers who are confused by the plethora of social networking sites out there. Which, they wonder, is right for them. Here we aim to provide a quick, easy-to-ignore guide.

The general rule is to join every new social network as soon as Leo Laporte starts banging on about it, but be cautious in which ones you admit to being a member of. Tailor your reply to whoever you’re talking to. So while you might want to Facebook friend that cute girl you met at the bus stop, your probably better off handing out your LinkedIn address at the vinyl plumbing interconnects conference. (Held in Norwich this year — see you guys there!)

And remember, if someone finds an account they’re not meant to, you can always act dumb and pretend someone else created that MySpace account in your name “as a joke.” And that all your old college friends and your Mum friended you there by mistake. And those pictures of you dancing on a table at the Students’ Union dressed in a hula skirt and horned Viking helmet are PhotoShopped.

Facebook The Big Daddy of social networking sites. If you aren’t on Facebook then you official do not exist. But with the whole world and its ‘it’s complicated’ partner as members, how are you going to stand out? Try this top tip: always refer to Facebook as ‘The Facebook.’ Then, when people look at you funny, say, “Oh, sorry, I keep forgetting they changed the name. That’s what it was called back when I originally joined.” If they point out that your profile says you’ve only been a member since September 2007, mumble something about the dates getting messed up in the last re-design.

MySpace Once upon a time this was the social network. Now MySpace is only used by 13-year-old girls, men in their 40s pretending to be 13-year-old girls, and researchers from Fox News trawling for men in their 40s pretending to be 13-year-old girls. Best avoided.

Orkut Owned by Google and popular in Brazil. Worth joining because, well, Brazilians are hot.

Bebo Like MySpace, only the 13-year-old girls are British and the researchers are from Tonight with Sir Trevor MacDonald.

LinkedIn Like Facebook for people who wear — or at the very least own — suits. You may want to host those photos of you doing shots with the University’s Transvestite Beach Volleyball team somewhere else. (I think there’s a dedicated Flickr pool for them.)

Twitter The ‘micro blogging’ site is basically IM for people who are too painfully cool for IM. Best employed for aloofly uttering Cowardian epithets while steadfastly ignoring all other users — remember, the reciprocal follow should only ever be done out of politeness. That said, feel free to follow me — @stuartcrook — for the latest site updates and an exclusive behind-the-scenes look at what goes in to making Æ. Yeah, it’s basically me bitching about how Google Analytics only counts about a fifth of our page views, but it’s still riveting stuff, honest.

My Apple Space Like My Space, right, but with extra Appley goodness. I can offer no higher praise for it than to point out that Microtard Paul Thurrott described as ‘Hell on Earth.’ So go join today and nab yourself one of those funky 4-digit UIDs. Oh, and tell them that Æ sent you. And then friend me — SJC. Please?

We received this desperate cry for help from iPhone user ‘John’ this morning and thought we’d better share it with you as quickly as possible. I think it provides a salutary lesson to all of us.

Q: I’ve been reading about that iPhone photo e-mail problem [we think he means this one, where the iPhone attaches random photos to e-mail messages and puts them in the 'Sent' folder, all without the user's permission]. Well, the same thing happened to me, only far, far worse. As far as I can tell, what my iPhone did was download some pornographic images from the internet and then paste my head onto the man’s body and the head of Magda, our au pair, onto the woman. And that’s not all. It also geotagged the images with the location of the Premier Inn on the B3183 just outside Exeter, and set the file’s creation dates to a weekend when Magda was visiting her parents in Poznań and I was at a sales conference in Norwich. Now my wife’s found the photos and she simply refuses to believe my perfectly logical explanation. (She doesn’t really know that much about computers, you see.) Could you help me out by explaining to her that this is a known fault with the iPhone software? You’re a well-respected Mac news site. She’d believe you. Oh, and has this happened to other people? Do you think we could maybe all get together and start one of those class-action lawsuit things against Apple?

Æ: No, but I suggest you get yourself a lawyer anyway.

Christmas is coming, wallets are getting fat, and many people are considering buying a computer. Now, you and I know that when it comes to choosing that new PC there’s only one correct answer, but if the e-mails we’ve been getting to help@appleeclectic.com are anything to go by, there are still a lot of clueless people out there. So without further ado we present this Festive selection of frequently-asked questions to help out the confused consumer.

Q: I’ve been looking at buying a MAC and —

Æ: And you haven’t got as far as working out what they’re actually called. ‘Mac.’ Short for ‘Macintosh.’ It’s not an acronym. Seriously, just go buy a Dell. Or even a DELL.

Q: Hey, Dude. I’m thinking of getting one of those Macs so I can edit all my snowboarding movies. What do you think?

Æ: Hey, Bro. Just give it up, ‘K? The way I see it, there are two types of people in this world: those of us who are busy living the life, and the others who have time to learn s— like video editing. Do you seriously want to waste valuable board time messing around with fades and transitions and junk like that? Even the big geniuses like Scorcese and Bay get other people to do their editing for them.

So here’s what I suggest you do. First, you get a Mac Pro, the fastest one you can afford, with plenty of disk space and RAM. And kit it out with a pair of those 30″ Cinema Displays while you’re at it. Then, you find yourself a tame geek. Check the library of your local college. Let him have an occasional go on the Mac — or better yet, one of your girl’s uglier friends — and he’ll be your video monkey for life. Sorted.

Q: Can I play games on the Mac?

Æ: Not until you’ve finished your chores.

Q: I’ve been looking at these Apple Macs and —

Æ: Boy, that ‘Apple Mac’ stuff annoys me almost as much as ‘MAC.’ Next.

Q: I really hate my brother and his wife, who’s a real stuck-up b—, always acting like she’s better than the rest of the family. And their kids are a pair of spoiled brats, too. They’ve both got those iPods things. Is there something I can get which might really mess-up the little devil spawn?

Æ: You could try this Spongebob Squarepants iPod dock (pictured above). It’s pretty much guaranteed to give them nightmares, and ensure they’ll need years of therapy — making it the gift that keeps on giving.

There was an article recently — which I can’t be bothered to find and link to. It quoted Rob Enderle so you can probably guess what it was like — which made the insinuation that the iPhone was in some way an expensive vulgar trinket, more status symbol than superbly functional mobile communicator, and that owning one represented a show of wealth out of step with the current economic and social climate. I’m guessing that whoever wrote it was too poor to buy one. Nevertheless, it seems to have struck a chord with some of our readers. To help them — and you — out, we present this special iPhone etiquette edition of Ask Apple Eclectic.

Q: I find myself waiting in line a lot, but never know what to do to pass the time. Do you have any tips for looking nonchalant while using the iPhone?

Æ: Sure. In a short, snappy phrase, you need to learn how to “touch casual.” Pull the iPhone out, look something up, swipe swipe swipe, put it away again. Never give it your full attention. That means no games. The guy behind you isn’t going to be impressed by your prowess at Super Monkey Ball if he needs to prod you when you reach the front of the queue.

And avoid the Stocks app at all costs. It will only show you bad news, which people will expect you to react to. If you look unhappy, they’ll think you’re one of those City tossers. If you look happy, they’ll think you’re one of those hedge fund tossers. (And if you just look blank, they’ll think you’re in government.)

Look, your best bet is probably to forget the iPhone altogether and do something else with your hands. Maybe take up smoking. Everyone looks cool when they smoke.

Q: I’d like to change my iPhone’s ringtone so that whenever I get a call it plays Who Let the Dogs Out? Can you help?

Æ: No.

Q: When is it appropriate to answer my iPhone during sex?

Æ: Whoa. Now here’s a tricky one. OK. Our first piece of advice is to get one of those bedside clocks with a dock in it. That way you can easily see who’s calling just by turning your head. But then if you need to take the call — or you need to pick your iPhone up because you’ve gone back to theirs and they don’t have an iPhone dock on their nightstand — well, then a number of different factors need to be considered. Chief among these is how long you’ve been together. Generally, if you’re in a long-term relationship it’s OK to answer. Unless it’s your partner calling you.

Q: Currently, whenever I send an e-mail from my iPhone it adds “sent from my iPhone” to the bottom of the message. Is there any way to change this? I’d like to add more detail, like how much I paid for the iPhone and my monthly calling plan.

Æ: Yeah, you’re the one they’re talking about. Just stop it, OK?

Your questions continue to trickle in to help@appleeclectic.com and we continue to read them and roll our eyes at the collective stupidity of our readers and the triviality of the problems which floor them. Only joshing. We love you guys really. Look: we’re answering your questions. OK?

Q: Sometimes when I connect to the WiFi in the coffee shop I see shared folders from other computers. Should I look in them?

Æ: Yes. Not only is it expected, it would be rude not to. After all, it’s not like those folders got shared by accident, is it? Feel free to help yourself to any files which catch your eye, and don’t forget to leave comments on any original content you find. Treat it like an ad hoc Digg. Or coffee shop X Factor.

Q: I bought a set of iPod socks for my Classic and now all my friends are laughing at me. What should I do?

Æ: Nothing. You’ll have the last laugh when their iPods catch pneumonia.

Q: Can you recommend a good source of digital music?

Æ: Sure. There are many places on the Internet where you can find digital music. They range from the big stores — like iTunes, Amazon and Wal*Mart — to the many smaller sites specialising in niche genres and unsigned artists. But what I think you’ve probably got in mind is BitTorrent, which gives you terrific choice while somehow managing to be completely free. Honestly, we just don’t know how they manage it. It’s also great for movies and software.

Q: I didn’t know iPod made computers. Should I get one?

Æ: No. I don’t think they’re quite right for you. You should really get a Dell instead. Look, they do pink ones.

Q: Someone told me that Apple computers were more expensive than normal ones.

Æ: That’s right. It’s to keep the riffraff away. You can’t buy them with food stamps, either.

Keep those questions coming.

Since we introduced our “Ask Apple Eclectic” feature last week we’ve had a disappointing trickle of e-mails from readers. I guess you guys really know what you’re doing and don’t need our help after all. Anyway, here are some of the more interesting questions we’ve received so far, along with our answers.

Q: What’s the best way to extend the life of the battery in my iPhone?

Æ: Don’t use it.

Q: I hear that iPods are made in China with slave labour. Is it true?

Æ: No, it’s not true. As this picture clearly shows, iPods are in fact assembled by workers who are not only very happy, but also really cute.

[But the rumour that workers face summary execution for producing defective or fingerprint-smeared products is quite true. This has nothing to do with the regime in the People’s Republic, but is in fact a longstanding Apple-wide policy introduced by Steve Jobs.]

Q: How do I send a fax from my Mac?

Æ: Why? Is there someone in 1996 you need to write to?

Q: I’ve heard a lot about GTD [Getting Things Done] and would like to give it a try. What’s the best way to achieve ‘Inbox Zero’?

Æ: Don’t tell anyone your e-mail address.

Q: Don’t you think it’s unfair that Apple takes open source software like BSD and then wraps it in a proprietary GUI and layers of Digital Restrictions Management?

Æ: No, freetard, I don’t. Now you tell me: what does Proctor and Gamble have to open source to get you to take a shower every once in a while?

Well, I think that’s more than enough being helpful for one week. If you have a pressing Apple-relates query, if nobody else can help you, and if you can find us, why not e-mail help@appleeclectic.com.