My Underwear has More Chance of Getting into the App Store than this Game

You can’t doubt that the iPhone has been a massive success. (Seriously, you really shouldn’t doubt it. At least, not out loud. If you do, Gruber’s likely to come round your place and give you a slap.) With over 10 million units sold already, it’s proving the must-have gadgets. But try as they might, there’s one key demographic among which Apple’s super-phone is having difficulty gaining traction: drug dealers.

Now, you might think, based on for instance that Jonny Depp film Blow, an iPhone would fit perfectly into any drug dealer’s lifestyle, alongside the marble mansion, leopard-print furnishings and syringe-shaped swimming pool. But reality is a little different. Based on a quick interview with that bloke who walks around Camden asking everyone “skunk?” we can exclusively reveal that your average freelance narcotics entrepreneur’s mobile telephony buying decisions are based mainly on cheapness and un-traceability. Your typical drug dealer is a pay-as-you-go customer who cares naught for data plans. Until Apple introduces the iPhone Burner™ they will never conquer this particular market.

For your wannabe dealer, however, the iPhone is a natural choice. Which only makes all the more unfortunate the fact the new location-based distrubition sim Druglords stands about the same chance of getting into the App Store as Russell Brand does of being invited to Andrew Sachs’ 79th. I mean, really? You think the company which turned down a squeaky knife will go for this. I think you’ve been indulging in a little too much ‘research.’

“A free beta version will be launched in the next couple of weeks and distributed through the iTunes App Store,” claim the authors. Wrong, but you’re going to get yourself a hell of a lot of free publicity.

• Mashable