Apple Eclectic’s Quick Guide to Social Networking

We’ve been getting a few — by which I mean no — e-mails from readers who are confused by the plethora of social networking sites out there. Which, they wonder, is right for them. Here we aim to provide a quick, easy-to-ignore guide.

The general rule is to join every new social network as soon as Leo Laporte starts banging on about it, but be cautious in which ones you admit to being a member of. Tailor your reply to whoever you’re talking to. So while you might want to Facebook friend that cute girl you met at the bus stop, your probably better off handing out your LinkedIn address at the vinyl plumbing interconnects conference. (Held in Norwich this year — see you guys there!)

And remember, if someone finds an account they’re not meant to, you can always act dumb and pretend someone else created that MySpace account in your name “as a joke.” And that all your old college friends and your Mum friended you there by mistake. And those pictures of you dancing on a table at the Students’ Union dressed in a hula skirt and horned Viking helmet are PhotoShopped.

Facebook The Big Daddy of social networking sites. If you aren’t on Facebook then you official do not exist. But with the whole world and its ‘it’s complicated’ partner as members, how are you going to stand out? Try this top tip: always refer to Facebook as ‘The Facebook.’ Then, when people look at you funny, say, “Oh, sorry, I keep forgetting they changed the name. That’s what it was called back when I originally joined.” If they point out that your profile says you’ve only been a member since September 2007, mumble something about the dates getting messed up in the last re-design.

MySpace Once upon a time this was the social network. Now MySpace is only used by 13-year-old girls, men in their 40s pretending to be 13-year-old girls, and researchers from Fox News trawling for men in their 40s pretending to be 13-year-old girls. Best avoided.

Orkut Owned by Google and popular in Brazil. Worth joining because, well, Brazilians are hot.

Bebo Like MySpace, only the 13-year-old girls are British and the researchers are from Tonight with Sir Trevor MacDonald.

LinkedIn Like Facebook for people who wear — or at the very least own — suits. You may want to host those photos of you doing shots with the University’s Transvestite Beach Volleyball team somewhere else. (I think there’s a dedicated Flickr pool for them.)

Twitter The ‘micro blogging’ site is basically IM for people who are too painfully cool for IM. Best employed for aloofly uttering Cowardian epithets while steadfastly ignoring all other users — remember, the reciprocal follow should only ever be done out of politeness. That said, feel free to follow me — @stuartcrook — for the latest site updates and an exclusive behind-the-scenes look at what goes in to making Æ. Yeah, it’s basically me bitching about how Google Analytics only counts about a fifth of our page views, but it’s still riveting stuff, honest.

My Apple Space Like My Space, right, but with extra Appley goodness. I can offer no higher praise for it than to point out that Microtard Paul Thurrott described as ‘Hell on Earth.’ So go join today and nab yourself one of those funky 4-digit UIDs. Oh, and tell them that Æ sent you. And then friend me — SJC. Please?